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aug 30, 2002.
 
So, I was watching a show today on the Learning Channel about teenagers'
development ("Teen Species"). And except for the physical changes
mentioned, and females' insecurities over body-image, it did not
reflect my teenage experiences at all.
 
It is normal for teenagers to get into arguments with their parents.
It is a part of normal healthy development. This supposedly happens
to "all" teenagers, all over the world. It helps them learn to
negotiate disagreements and to become independent. Damn it.
Who knows, maybe I did have a few arguments with my parents and
just don't remember them.
 
There is a switch in the brain related to the level of testosterone,
and once it "flips" during puberty, one becomes interested in sex.
That must not have happened to me, at least not until after the age
of 25 or later.
 
Males get half of their body weight in muscles. Females get a quarter
in fat. Damn it. I wanted muscles. I wanted strength. Not stupid
blobby breasts. Not slimy messy blood leaking out of my uterus.
It's not fair, damn it.
 
During puberty, boys start getting erections when they see females, etc.
Why?? Before 16, many teenages have felt "first love". All that dating
and friends and love and sex stuff. Damn it. I'm just not normal.
I've never been normal. Damn it.
 
...
 
I wish there was a show on tv about people like me. So I would know...
what... to do, to expect, to... But there isn't anyone else like me,
is there??! Is there!!! Oh, sure, there are billions of humans and
some others must be like me, but really, are there? I'm a freak.
A damn different something.

 
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